I haven’t been praying or talking to God as much as I usually do and now I feel like an explosive device nearing the final countdown. My kids, spouse, strangers, washing machine, remote you name it, could set me off! I’m stressed out.
FINEEEE! I admit it! Gah that was hard. But why? Because perfectionism is craved by the world and if you offer even a tiny bit of that up then that’s what is expected 24/7. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even if you’re looked up to for guidance, comfort and advice. Don’t they know I’m human?
Tonight like the last few nights, before bed I started my “decompress” routine of Hulu watching episodes of Nashville
. I can’t even enjoy it because I’m sitting here so unhappy with myself. Why do I care what people think? Why do I carry the weight of the world around after one bad day?
I wish we could throw bad days away just like we do paper plates! Use it up and toss it out.
I just need extra time in my days, ya know? I’m not quite sure how or when this started happening but I started “walking on eggshells” around people and bottling up my emotions. Ugh who am I? I feel crazy. I’m probably acting it too. My poor husband….. (insert all the crazy wife memes here….haha!)
You see my thoughts are this, moms are like sponges. Yeah yeah we usually hear that our children are sponges, and to be careful when we swear around a grandparent but hear me when I say, mothers are sponges too. In a different sense and on a much deeper level. Like sponges, we absorb all of our kiddo’s hurts, all stresses our spouse endures or voices and all the pain from outside sources like worldly news or tacky social media comments and yet like a hamster we keep spinning our wheels just trying to be “mom”.
I’m angry at myself for letting my brain take me this far into a bad day. I’m exhausted over the fact that I’m constantly reminded my 3 year old isn’t potty trained and that my 1 year old isn’t walking yet. I’m annoyed that my love languages are misconstrued for materialism and narcissism. Why does everything have to be turned inside out? Why do people insist on us opening up our hearts, lives and social medias to learn and be inspired yet it’s never enough?
Next time you feel the need to give an opinion remember the person you’re speaking to or about is like a sponge and if you wring them out what will that water look like?
Clean and reusable? Soiled and ruined?
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