Noun 1. the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.
Verb 2. make (someone) feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something.
Have you ever called up your sitter just because? I have. I was overwhelmed, talking baby babble and hadn’t showered in 3 days. My dry shampoo wasn’t cutting it and T-Rex kept asking to take a bath but I think he may have been telling me to take one?
Any ways I digress.
So I called her. My lovely niece. I just needed a day to gather all my mommy-mental-crap and go dump it in the aisles of target or at my nail salon for 2 hours.
But then it happens…………
It always happens.
You get on Facebook and check a notification in the midst of your mommy freedom and someone liked a pic of your kiddos.
*punch to the gut*
Crap. I miss them. Like a lot. “This manicure costs as much as a pack of diapers.”
Or “I’ve been gone 45 minutes, he thinks I abandoned him!!!” Or a really irrational favorite “this $52 could be applied to his college funds or Disney trip!”
And then you might start an ugly cry, in public. Like Kim K ugly cry and everyone thinks you just left a funeral, you’re on your period or forgot Wednesday’s happy pill of the day.
This is called “mommy guilt”. It has many forms. Most of the time it happens organically in our minds, but other times, some moms provoke these thoughts.
For example you run into Sarah at the indoor kids park mid diaper change and she’s looking over at y’all like “oh you use [THOSE] diapers.” *followed by her panicked yet condescending facial expression*
Gah, I wanna throat punch Sarah. Yeah woman! I use THESE diapers and THESE wipes. If you say another word I’m gonna smack you with THIS poop. Momma don’t play! Women, parents, people like this provoke mom-guilt and make us feel like we aren’t doing something to the best of our ability or that we should devote 100% of our time to every waking moment of our babies.
I even work from home and still suffer this if I’m on a coaching call or need 15 minutes to wrap something up. I’m still their provider. I would never neglect them. SO why do I beat myself up over taking 5 minutes of “me” time?
Ugh. Mommy guilt. You may handle those moments with ease but they sneak back up on you. At 5:00am like me, as I write about it. You feel guilty that you’re not enough for them, or that you secretly have a favorite child, or that you’re terrible for wanting a 38-minute manicure because the last time you saw a nail salon was your wedding day for crying out loud!!!
So, here’s my advice you mother-guilters. Haha, see what I did there?
1. Take a deep breath and pray about it. Immediate calming will take place.
2. Get the damn mani/pedi. Your kids ALWAYS nap for the sitter and probably never knew you left.
3. Crying is okay. We love our babies so immensely that sometimes it even overwhelms us. So cry it out to “Tina” at the nail salon or the cashier at your favorite store. Be THAT mom. We need more of those moms…..proud, sappy, vulnerable, REAL moms.
I would love to hear about your mommy guilty and where it happens. Please email in or leave a comment! I promise you’re not a lone! (Dads I know you experience it too!)
— Emily Roberts
Read my first blog here.